I'm 100% positive that no one has ever made me so happy, so content and so comfortable to simply be me. She's unbelievable.. Unconditionally supportive, loving, attentive, caring, affectionate, unquestioning. She knows what I need before I say it and how to go about it. She pays attention, she's... Attuned to me. It's crazy.. I never expected it to be like this, be so easy. It's easy being with her, like breathing. I couldn't ask for anything better, anyone better, and hell, even if I could, I wouldn't want to. Not for a millisecond. It's strange.. I can actually see a future with her. I've never been able to picture that with anyone else. It feels so right, like this is where I'm suppose to be, where I belong. She makes me want to be more, reach after those things that I want and take them, and the fact that I actually feel like I can says so much. No one I've ever been with has made me feel this way, in any way, shape or form. It's like that line in Pulp Fiction, where Mia says to Vincent, "That's how you know you've met someone special, when you can share a comfortable silence with them."
That's exactly right
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Imagination
"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."
-Louisa May Alcott
I imagined you. I waited and passed the months away, hoping for you.
You were worth every second.
-Louisa May Alcott
I imagined you. I waited and passed the months away, hoping for you.
You were worth every second.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Is any of this real, or not?
I had a dream that you were waiting in my driveway for me because you wanted to talk to me about things, explain what happened, but on my way to the car I was stolen away, kidnapped in plain view. I remember asking you how long you had been sitting out there and why you were there for I was snatched. I reached out for help and as you looked up I disappeared into a place where no one knew who I was and my previous existence had been erased.
I was someone and no one at once.
I kept searching for something, anything that would tie me to that existence that I knew I had had, but when I would finally find something, it would change into a shadow of what it was until I was subtly losing my grasp on reality and I simply started looking for where I belonged. I knew how to get there, knew exactly where I was going and how long it would take. It was then, with this realization, that this reality started collapsing.
I don't know what any of this is suppose to mean, it it means anything at all, which I'm sure it does, because really, don't dreams always mean something, however small? All I know is that I'll be thinking about this all day, this one scene in particular when I was walking back to my place of belonging.
It was storming, the lightning crossing the sky in the north, wind blowing eastward, rather strong too. I was reaching an intersection, a four way stop and traffic was kind of bad. All at once, every car that was on the road pulled over, synchronized almost, and an ambulance raced through the lines of cars.
I remember feeling the draft caused by the speed of it run through my hair and blow dust and bits of grass at me. It was right then, in that instant when I looked at these cars that I realized it wasn't reality, that I was somewhere else, somewhere I didn't belong. That in my real world, these cars wouldn't all look exactly the same, they wouldn't have pulled over that uniformly and the ambulance wouldn't have been moving that fast.
And I remember thinking, as I realized the illusion, that I felt like that ambulance was for me, the real existence of me at my house, in my front lawn, where I thought I was kidnapped. As I realized this, I was pulled back to my reality in this dream, to my front lawn. I was laying in the grass on my back, bleeding and gasping for air. All I could see were the clouds, the white storm clouds blowing in, the leaves of the tree blowing in the wind. I heard the ambulance sirens and turned my head, seeing it down the street and I tried to find you, to turn my head to tell you something before I went but I couldn't, I didn't have the strength and before the ambulance made it to me, I was gone and woke up.
What does it all mean?
I was someone and no one at once.
I kept searching for something, anything that would tie me to that existence that I knew I had had, but when I would finally find something, it would change into a shadow of what it was until I was subtly losing my grasp on reality and I simply started looking for where I belonged. I knew how to get there, knew exactly where I was going and how long it would take. It was then, with this realization, that this reality started collapsing.
I don't know what any of this is suppose to mean, it it means anything at all, which I'm sure it does, because really, don't dreams always mean something, however small? All I know is that I'll be thinking about this all day, this one scene in particular when I was walking back to my place of belonging.
It was storming, the lightning crossing the sky in the north, wind blowing eastward, rather strong too. I was reaching an intersection, a four way stop and traffic was kind of bad. All at once, every car that was on the road pulled over, synchronized almost, and an ambulance raced through the lines of cars.
I remember feeling the draft caused by the speed of it run through my hair and blow dust and bits of grass at me. It was right then, in that instant when I looked at these cars that I realized it wasn't reality, that I was somewhere else, somewhere I didn't belong. That in my real world, these cars wouldn't all look exactly the same, they wouldn't have pulled over that uniformly and the ambulance wouldn't have been moving that fast.
And I remember thinking, as I realized the illusion, that I felt like that ambulance was for me, the real existence of me at my house, in my front lawn, where I thought I was kidnapped. As I realized this, I was pulled back to my reality in this dream, to my front lawn. I was laying in the grass on my back, bleeding and gasping for air. All I could see were the clouds, the white storm clouds blowing in, the leaves of the tree blowing in the wind. I heard the ambulance sirens and turned my head, seeing it down the street and I tried to find you, to turn my head to tell you something before I went but I couldn't, I didn't have the strength and before the ambulance made it to me, I was gone and woke up.
What does it all mean?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Feel It In My Bones
First things first, there's one thing I must say:
Human kryptonite does, in fact, exist.
So, to all you people out there who think that it doesn't, think again. Living proof, right here, right now.
Now that that's out of the way, it's been a minute since I was last on here. Fun little mishap with a lost password, forgotten email... etc. The usual. Bleh. Anyway, for anyone who doesn't know, I'm moving back home in May and you can pretty much all thank yourselves for this. If it wasn't for everyone in Edmond that I talk to, friends, interests, considered family and such, I wouldn't even have considered the idea. I'd be renewing my lease at the beginning of May and settling in to withstand a very long and boring summer in Stilly. So, cheers to all of you!
With the move back, I'm also transferring to UCO at the end of the semester. The only thing that kind of bothers me about this is the fact that the campus is smaller and a bit more confusing (in my opinion at least). But I was there on Monday, walking around their equivalent of a student union and I felt really at home their. Like I told Hagrid, it's as if I was meant to leave Edmond, to go to Stillwater, to find myself, to really begin to figure things out and become comfortable with them, define myself in a sense, and then I was suppose to move back. Like the only reason why I was suppose to leave was that, that's it. No regrets cuz that's certainly what I did and, despite my low-ish GPA, I've figured out what I want to do, what's going to make me happy and it isn't what I originally thought. :P
"Now if she does it like this, will you do it like that? Now if she touches like this, will you touch her like that? Now if she moves like this, will you move her like that?"
Cookie is being stationed in Japan for three years. I can't quite put my finger on the reason why this upsets me so much, but it does. Just like it did when I found out he enlisted. But, now that I've sat back and gotten over the initial shock of everything, if he's happy, I'm happy. It's his life, he's the one who has to live it, not me. I just worry about him a lot more than I'll ever admit and hope to God that nothing ever happens to him. I don't know what I would do without him.
Anywho, my concentration levels have completely gone out the window and, before I go on about anything else that I would -love- to talk about, I need to be able to phrase it properly. So, more to come at a later date.
x
Human kryptonite does, in fact, exist.
So, to all you people out there who think that it doesn't, think again. Living proof, right here, right now.
Now that that's out of the way, it's been a minute since I was last on here. Fun little mishap with a lost password, forgotten email... etc. The usual. Bleh. Anyway, for anyone who doesn't know, I'm moving back home in May and you can pretty much all thank yourselves for this. If it wasn't for everyone in Edmond that I talk to, friends, interests, considered family and such, I wouldn't even have considered the idea. I'd be renewing my lease at the beginning of May and settling in to withstand a very long and boring summer in Stilly. So, cheers to all of you!
With the move back, I'm also transferring to UCO at the end of the semester. The only thing that kind of bothers me about this is the fact that the campus is smaller and a bit more confusing (in my opinion at least). But I was there on Monday, walking around their equivalent of a student union and I felt really at home their. Like I told Hagrid, it's as if I was meant to leave Edmond, to go to Stillwater, to find myself, to really begin to figure things out and become comfortable with them, define myself in a sense, and then I was suppose to move back. Like the only reason why I was suppose to leave was that, that's it. No regrets cuz that's certainly what I did and, despite my low-ish GPA, I've figured out what I want to do, what's going to make me happy and it isn't what I originally thought. :P
"Now if she does it like this, will you do it like that? Now if she touches like this, will you touch her like that? Now if she moves like this, will you move her like that?"
Cookie is being stationed in Japan for three years. I can't quite put my finger on the reason why this upsets me so much, but it does. Just like it did when I found out he enlisted. But, now that I've sat back and gotten over the initial shock of everything, if he's happy, I'm happy. It's his life, he's the one who has to live it, not me. I just worry about him a lot more than I'll ever admit and hope to God that nothing ever happens to him. I don't know what I would do without him.
Anywho, my concentration levels have completely gone out the window and, before I go on about anything else that I would -love- to talk about, I need to be able to phrase it properly. So, more to come at a later date.
x
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